When you stress access to a desired activity rather than lack of access to a desired activity, you’re keeping your child’s eyes on the prize and not the work that has to be done to get it. The behavioral data we’ve collected show that this shift really is effective: we’ve seen increases in direction following and decreases in task refusal and power struggles when adults use positive statements with kids rather than negative ones.
Peg Dawson and Richard Guare in Smart but Scattered